15 - A Letter To My Second Lover

Hi, Love. 

I don’t know if you were lucky or not to have met me during the time of my life that I was happy and contented with being single. That was the time that I felt so complete and whole... and infinite. I have finally come into terms with myself and realized that my own happiness is no one’s responsibility but mine; and that home is what you make it to be. You didn’t see how much of a wreck I was before that. Lucky, lucky you. 

When my (first) relationship of more than three years ended, I was devastated. Ha! Devastation was even an understatement! I honestly thought I’d never move on. I was clueless and helpless and pathetic and I can’t even describe how broken I felt. But I have God, and my family and my friends. I have people who never left me. And though I forget it sometimes, I have myself. Love, people don’t move on overnight. We could only wish we can. It was a constant battle of push and pull until I learned to love and appreciate myself more.  Skipping time to a year later, I met you.

It was strange at first. Holding hands that were not his. Being looked at with adoration of still chinky eyes but well, not his. It was stranger even, listening to my heart beat furiously and getting kilig feelings over the smallest, sincerest gestures of someone who is not my first love. But it was a happy kind of strange. :)

You were the love that taught me I could love again. That I could love fiercely more than once in this lifetime. I will always be grateful to you for bringing that kind of hope into my life. We have come a long way and there are a lot of trials that will still come our way. The road to forever is never easy. There might even be times that we might take a break. And while we fervently pray and hope that we are for each other, we will never know for sure. The roads we are taking are different.

But dear, I will never look for a third love, heck, I'm not even sure if there will be one. But if there is and if it is true and real love finally, then it can wait...

And if there’s none, if after everything it is you and you all along. Ahh. Imagine how beautifully heart-wrenching and -melting that would be.

05.04.15