48 - Beartime Stories

 

Do you believe in fate? I do.

You see, there were a lot of times when we could’ve met before we actually did, but did not. If our story is a soap opera, these are the times when the boy passes by the street and a few seconds after, the girl arrives. All building up to the scene when they finally, finally meet. I want to believe our meet-up story is years in the making, that God has prepared us by letting us grow on our own and when we were ready, He allowed us to cross paths - all in His perfect time.

And it was indeed the perfect time - 

We met each other when we were both not looking. We met each other when we were both already content with just ourselves and by ourselves - or so we thought. There’s happiness and solace in being alone - one a person experiences as he grows to love oneself. But there’s also happiness in loving someone apart from oneself, and being loved in return - one that I have found in us.

I still sometimes can’t believe and would sigh (in a good way). Oh what a beautiful, rare thing it is - to fall so effortlessly and naturally in love.

06.15.2022

46 - On the Pandemic, Old Friends, and Death

If you are my age or younger, you might be guilty of this: boasting about tomorrow, thinking and actually believing that tomorrow will always come. It may be because of faith or naivety, or maybe both. Or maybe our human ego that feeds us the idea that we'll still be here tomorrow. That we still have time left. That we're still young and we have our lives ahead of us. Only to be knocked off our feet, proven wrong. When somebody in their late 20s die, there is a sense of dread, there is an element of surprise. We all never see it coming - especially when we're talking about a healthy person. But who are we to tell how much time we have left? Gore as it may sound, we are always one second, one minute, one day closer to our demise. Tomorrow is never promised. It is never certain. It might come for some, but not for all. And when it does not, how do we properly greet death?

I regret not doing what we've promised. We've always deferred it, until days became months and months became years and we're now a decade away from the first time we talked about it. A lot has changed - we lost touch, we lived our lives differently, and when our paths crossed again, it was as if time did not pass - you still can talk comfortably about your personal life,  we talked about how far we've come as good old friends do, and then we still deferred it - our counterstrike death match. It is a time of a pandemic, after all. We'll do it after these trying times, except we'll no longer be able to. Death knocked on your door. Guess I can not kill you anymore - in game.

Goodbye my friend.

PS. Fvck COVID.

45 - First

And for the first time in my life, I feared Death. I've always known that people come and go, that we live and die, that nobody can boast about tomorrow, and I've accepted it. Or so I thought. When I got that call saying my mom was dying in the hospital, I prayed to the Lord and somehow, I was peaceful during the whole ordeal. I was in pain, a lot of pain, but there was no fighting over what happened. Life without mom will never be the same but I didn't feel scared. Is it because it was all so sudden and I didn't have time to ponder on how life would be without my parents? I don't know.

But now with you, I think about death sometimes - passing thoughts. And I can't even imagine how the world will suck if there's me without you in it. I don't want to experience loss - specifically, the loss of you. So darling, I pray and hope and wish that should time come, I go first.

“If the breaking day sees someone proud,

The ending day sees them brought low.

No one should put too much trust in triumph,

No one should give up hope of trials improving.

Clotho mixes one with the other and stops

Fortune from resting, spinning every fate around.

No one has had so much divine favor

That they could guarantee themselves tomorrow.

God keeps our lives hurtling on,

Spinning in a whirlwind.”

- Seneca, Thyestes, 613

44 - Happy Hallow's Eve

I'm sure a lot of us, if not all, has experienced how it's like to have a nightmare. Bad dreams that will make you jolt awake at night, sweaty palms and racing heartbeat. But have you ever had a dream that felt so real? Something that kept you from moving, like your body's paralyzed and somehow you know you're dreaming and you want yourself to wake up in the real world, but it's a struggle? A dream so creepy it makes even your baby hair to stand just the thought of it? I do. Ever since I started trying to keep track of my dreams (telling it to friends the moment I wake up so I don't forget) ; I have noticed that there is this particular bad dream that re-occurred, and this is how it goes.

I am in the middle of a living room in a house that I'm not familiar with. My cousins are with me, and we were looking at a closed door leading to a room, Nobody in the dream wants to open the door because there's a demon (lady in white with black face as I imagine it in my dream) inside. The room itself was emanating negative energy. But like how most horror movies go, I'm the protagonist of my dream who is so brave and so curious that I would actually march up to that door. Both my legs and arms feel heavy and I hear a cacophony of crazy and scary voices, but I still manage to hold the knob and turn it. And the moment I open the door, I wake up -- screaming.

When I had this dream last March 2020, I told a friend about it. How batshit scared I was and how the dream felt so familiar, like I've seen how it played before. I had to look up at my messenger chats to my other friends in search for anything - because if I have dreamed about the same thing, I'm sure I told someone, and there it was. I read that on the same day of March 2019, I had the exact same dream and I was telling someone else about it. Imagine the horror when I realized.

Will I get the same dream this March 2021? I wonder.

Happy Hallow's Eve.

43 - They say

You know what old people say, wait for a year or two, maybe three in a relationship and the feelings will eventually fade. They say that the first couple of months is the honeymoon stage and once you get to know each other on a deeper, more personal level, you'll see each other's flaws. They say that those flaws you may love in the onset, but if you give it time, those might be the very things you will hate about your partner. They say you never truly know a person until you marry him and you live together and you see him on both his highest and lowest points.

They say when all those strong emotions fade, what matters is character and the friendship and respect that you've built over the years. That when you're looking for a partner, you should go for someone who can make you feel secured, someone you can imagine having kids, even grandkids with. That above everything else, this is a companionship. Our bodies will eventually get old and our youth, energy, beauty they will all wither.

All those things they say in hope to enlighten us about the realities of relationships. That having a life together is not all about romance. That there will be hard days - and tweetums will not be enough to save you on those days. And I think. And I ponder. And I contemplate. But no matter how hard and long I look at it, at us, the future seems neither scary not discouraging at all. 

I have come to a conclusion that what they say isn't wrong. But I refuse to believe that would be our only reality. I hope we can take a look as to when we are old and gray and still together and tell our children, our grandchildren, how love transcends time. That even in our 70s we're still never past the honeymoon stage that we got in when we're in our 20s. That while there are so many mediocre things in this life, our love is not one of them. G?

42 - You

I have always believed that life has already disillusioned me about love. I have learned the following points growing up: that your first love may not be your last love, that someone you have known for years can still betray your trust if they choose to. That someone can be a good person, and still hurt you when things are no longer convenient for them. That someone can spend as much time as he wants to with you, and still fake it. And as much as you do not want to admit it, sometimes, you're the one hurting those who love you.

As much as I prayed for a love that's not mediocre, I also do not long for it. Forgive me when I was skeptic when I met you. I thought to myself that it was just a passing affection, that you, like the others before you, will just further disillusion me about love and relationships that I will end up saying, there it goes again. Thank you, next.

But I was wrong.

You make me feel like I haven't loved at all.

You are my first real great love, who has not yet in any way betrayed my trust - and if someday we hurt each other I hope we go back to this day and remember how much love we have and just get over it, -

You give more than what you take.

You are a good person, and you, as much as you can, choose to understand even when I am the one being unreasonable.

You always make time for me, despite and in spite. No excuses.

Above all, you make me want to be a better person. 

We were on our way to the office. You carried my lunch box which we didn't know had a leak of adobo sauce, which then stained your pants. I thought to myself, today is the day that I will see how you handle life's accidents. Are you hot-headed? Do you have a temper? Do you have a desire to control, even the uncontrollable? Are you someone I can handle? Will you blame me for it? Will you blame the lunchbox for it? I was holding my breath. For seconds, all those questions flooded my mind. And as much as I want to sympathize with your predicament, I also want to know the answer to these. I never expected what happens next. -- There were no hisses / tsksss. There were no angry remarks. No curses have been uttered. Just a simple, calm, "Oh well, shit happens. Can you go to the office first? I'll wait for the mall to open so I can buy a new pair of pants." There you were, flashing me a genuine smile, concerned if I can walk my way to the office even when it’s just a footbridge away. And God in that moment, I fall in love with you even more.

37 - As If It Is My First Love

Have you ever fallen in love with a person, not for how they look but for how their eyes twinkle when they look at you? Not for how they dress but for how warm their body feels when they put you in a tight embrace? Not for their As and academic achievements but for how free flowing conversations are with them? Not for the digits in their bank account but for how they would make time, always, for you?

You fall in love with their heart. You fall in love with their spirit. Realizing that at the end of the day, it is never their physical beauty nor the material things that they could offer that could sustain you with life, but rather their bare, naked soul. Finally, you see them all flawed and scarred, and you fall in love not on their full potential but for what they actually are.

It is an enlightening experience to rediscover love, as if it is your first love.

30 - The Third Time

If I fall in love for the third time, I pray it will be the last…

___________________

When I was young, I had my first great love. He was this tall, fair skinned guy whose eyes disappear every time he laughs. I fell in love with the way his lips curve into a smile; with that mischievous smirk when he’s fooling around; with those huge arms that once made me feel safe and secured. I watched as my young heart broke into pieces with his sweet, sugarcoated lies and half-baked promises. He was my first great heartbreak, I never thought I’d survive.

With all my guards up, I met my second love. His curly hair reminds me so much of the beach; his warmth, of the sunlight. Through him, I learned that I could love again; this time, selflessly. It wasn’t all fireworks, it wasn’t all butterflies, but it was the love that calmed me down. It was the kind of love that I needed. What I would’ve given for it to last.

So I pray, in all earnest, that If I do fall in love the third time, please, let it be the love that would last.

27 - It's a good day to get married

Tired of the city life? Of the 8-12 hour shift to earn a living? Of the buzz and the noise that drains the hell out of you? Sigh. If moving in a countryside and leaving everything behind is plain easy... If turning your back from all the duties and responsibilities of adulthood is like learning 1-2-3... But we both know the answer to that. And sometimes, all we need is a break from the lethal routine of our daily lives to keep us sane.

It is 5 in the morning.

The sun's getting up.

The traffic's building slowly.

Tagaytay is 2-3hours away from Rizal.

SLEX toll fee is at P175 exiting Sta. Rosa.

The sun says hello.

The sky - crystal clear.

It is a good day to get married.

Only, the cousins featured in this story are no brides.

We had our breakfast at the newly opened McDonald's in Tagaytay. There was so much buzz in social media about it that we had to see it for ourselves. And voila, the vertical garden, the view, and the hash brown.

the vertical garden

the view

 *and no photo of the hash brown. You figure out why.

After breakfast, we hit the road to Nasugbu which is 30-45mins away from Tagaytay City proper. Caleruega it is! Right after the arc that says welcome to Nasugbu, you make a left turn to get to the chapel. It was a rocky road, but one we'll surely take on again any other day. The place was breathtakingly beautiful one would say "It's a good place to get married at!".

And they sell yummy espasol too. :D

aesthetics

the koi pond

hello fish

climbing the hill.
the struggle is real!

closer to nature, closer to God!

the bridge

theviewfromwhereIstand

*and no photo of the espasol was taken.


Since we're such nature-loving people, off we go to the beach! It would take you another 30-45mins travel time to get to the nearest beach resort from Caleruega. But you're already in Batangas so why not make the most out of it? Time check: it was 1 in the afternoon. We haven't had our lunch yet and stumbled on this on our way to look for a beach resort:

Kainan sa Dalampasigan

best sisig evuuuuur
love the butter shrimp
and the mangga
love everything!
plus cheap pa huhu

We loved everything about Kainan sa Dalampasigan! We would definitely come back! Plus, it's probably a good place to have your wedding reception:

lovely

And finalleh, the beach! 

the waves are calling

the mermaid

and the... ~abstract

guess who's the happy kid now?
dark but fine ---sand.

our cousin by choice haha

sunset <3

The clock is ticking.

The sun is setting.

It's 5 in the PM.

But before we go back to the noise and buzz of the city life, we go back to Tagaytay to grab a cup of coffee and probably one of the best things ever made --- dessert!

interiors

chilly night

capping the day off.
best blueberry cheesecake evuuur!

And so we head home.

20 - Traveling Solo & Exploring Baguio

I have always wanted to try traveling solo. I dream to become a backpacker and see the world and wander and decide for myself where home is. But things, as always, happen. It’s like I was suddenly living a life tied up with circumstances that I can never change. Circumstances that do not allow me to live as I see fit. Suddenly, I felt old. It was like one day I woke up and reality hit me, brutally hard, on the face. When did I let myself get tangled up in this toxic adult life? Going to work five to six days a week, spending the weekends doing chores and errands. Repeat. It was so frustrating. It was a routine. It was lethal. I had to stop doing it. So one day I woke up, packed my bags and rode that bus going to Baguio. And man, I’m telling you it was liberating. It was worth it.

So here are the things that I’ve learned on this trip:

1) You do not need an expensive hotel to stay at, especially if you’re out on the streets for most of the day. In Baguio, there are a lot of transient homes and dormitories/hostels that are cheap but have good reviews. You may book and check with Agoda. I’ve seen dormitories that offer P500 or less for one night, while a standard room in hotels range from P1k to P3k per night.

I would’ve booked for a bedspace in a dormitory but I had a last minute cold feet about the idea. Roughly two years ago, I had a horrible experience of bed bugs in a condo in Makati which costed me a fortune, thus my kaartehan when it comes to beds. My skin is very sensitive to insect bites and the scars have not fully healed yet. I do not want to risk it. Cringe. Also, if you are a sucker for soft fluffy beds and have no itinerary (and are considering to just waste away on a bed in a hotel), and for the life of it cannot YET stand the thought of common bathrooms, then you may opt for the more expensive ones. Yep, I have so many issues that i hope I could move on from so I could stay a little longer in the places I wish to visit. Comfort doesn’t have to come too high a price (I wish). 

While I’m at it, I would recommend the place that I stayed at: Casa Vallejo. Located at the Upper Session Road, the place is accessible and is near SM Baguio, Burnham Park, Baguio Museum, Harrison Road (where there’s a night market from 9pm to 12 midnight), and different restaurants and spas. I booked this through Agoda for 2k per night (expensive for a solo traveler but not so much if you have someone to split the costs with). The room comes with a bathroom with hot and cold shower, a television with sky cable, and complimentary breakfast for two at The Hill Station. Check-in time is at 2:00pm while check-out is at 12PM. I was surprised though that Casa Vallejo doesn’t have any airconditioned rooms. They just have these giant wooden ceiling fans installed in each room. Nevertheless, you won’t be needing the ACs since it’s plenty cold already. Must add, friendly staff too!

Casa Vallejo

giant ceiling fan

standard room for 2pax

There are three choices for the free breakfast at The Hill Station, Pinoy Style, Country style & Omelette. The meal comes with either coffee or juice. The regular cost of the meal is P200.

by the window @ The Hill Station

Omelette with bacon & onions, potatoes & bread
with strawberry jam + butter on the side

2) Google maps is the best companion, ever. Download it in the app store NOW. It got me to places and saved me from the trouble of searching blindly. I walked around the city proper since the hotel I was staying at is in a good location. Saved me a lot of taxi fares too. If possible, try to learn how to commute via jeepneys. The jeepney terminals are located at the public market. I still recommend taxis though especially if you’re traveling as a group. Taxi drivers in Baguio (in my experience) are very disciplined and would not ask for you to pay more than what is stated in the meter (unlike in Manila…). When I went to Ben Cab Museum, I asked for the driver to wait for me while I roam around because based on online blogs that I’ve read, it’s hard to get a ride back to Burnham Park - which I could kind of attest to considering that when I got there, there were groups of people hailing my cab. Even when I was leaving, a lot of people are outside waiting for a ride back. 

Entrance to the BenCab ecotrail

Here are some of my favorite pieces in the museum: (I won't be posting much. You are encouraged to go see the beauties for yourself! :) )

"I think, therefore I am." - R. Descartes
Thinking Man

Gaze

3) Check the hourly weather forecast on your travel dates. This is so you could plan where you would be if the rain falls. With this being said, ensure that you go to Tam-Awan Village BEFORE the rainfall. The Garden in the Sky is a refreshing experience, though the climb was really physically exhausting, and muddy too. After exploring the village, I treat myself to a strawberry shake and Tam-Awan Cafe’s pride: Highlander Pasta. The pasta is a 4/5 for me! It’s oil based, with lots of tomatoes, plus smoked meat too!

Exploring Tam-Awan!

The Dreamer: Exhibit at the Tam-Awan Village

Tam-Awan Village: Garden in the Sky

Rest mode @ View Deck 1 after an exhausting climb

DREAAAAM CATCHERRRRR :))))

Well instead of eating it in the confines of a coffee shop, I had the Highlander Pasta wrapped for take out so I could eat my lunch under the tree at Burnham Park.

Highlander Pasta P220

Burnham Park

Swan Lake @ Burnham Park; Brownish water is due to the rain

One of the few times I wish I know how to ride a bike
@ Burnham Park

4) Put your money in different places: have some in your bag, in your pocket, in your wallet, heck even in your undies if you want to. Just don’t put it all in one place. First, this is so when you lose your wallet or something, you will still have enough money to go back home. And second, this is an additional measure so I could restrain myself from splurging too much. Hehe! It works!

5) Do not wear slippers or sandals. Wear comfortable shoes please. Have pity on your soles. You may travel with style but my dear, how could you enjoy the beauty that is not you if you are constantly worrying about your dying feet? I wore my sneakers during my trip but hell I’d be wearing rubber shoes the next time I go here!

theviewfromwhereistand

"Mabato man ang daan, hinding hindi kita iiwan" whuuut #hugot

6) It’s okay to stick on a budget when traveling, but I hope you’re not spoiling your happiness by keeping tabs in everything you spend. 

7) When it comes to food, GO OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE! You do not go to Cafe by the Ruins and order pesto or spaghetti meatballs, you have them in cafes at your hometown! Eat food that are not available elsewhere. Eat food that are tatak Baguio.

Cafe by the Ruins is a 10-minute walk from the hotel. Well, the weather is cold so walking for 10mins with a sweater on is okay. :)

Cafe by the Ruins

Iced Ruins Coffee & Chicken Adobo Terrine

While waiting for the night market to open at 9pm, I went to Majic Oven (1minute walk from Casa Vallejo) and tried their strawberry cake. It was really cheap, costed around P70 if I remember it right. 

Strawberry Cake + Tea @ Majic Oven

Nightmarkets in Baguio also mean... foodtrip!

Try their binatog. It's good!

You may also want to try Tsokolateria's champorado! The cafe opened 2015 and is located at the higher upper session road, near Casa Vallejo.

Champorado with bacon, chicharon & espada on the side!

And of course, the visit won't be complete without the famous strawberry taho! I was able to buy one at the Mines View Park.

Wish I could’ve stayed a little longer. I’m sure to go back here one day soon and try the other cafes I haven’t had the luxury to visit, as well as go to Sagada (where broken hearts go). Lol. Nevertheless, it was an awesome experience! But like all other life moments, this, too, shall end.

Chasing the sunset. MNL bound by 6PM.

Love,

Cheng

PS. I am very thankful to the Lord for taking care of me this whole trip. It was not possible without His guidance. To tell you the truth, I am a coward when it comes to sleeping in hotels alone. I had to turn on the TV the whole night and watch Adventure Time haha! You had no idea how much courage I needed to pursue this life goal. Now that I did it, I am looking forward to more solo travels in the future! (But first, I have to find a job so I can finance myself :P)


Anyway, here's a breakdown of the costs/expenses:
Fare from Cubao to Baguio and Baguio to Cubao: P1,000
Hotel (Casa Vallejo - 2k per night) P2,000
BenCab + Baguio Museum + Tam Awan Entrance P200
Taxi Fare (BenCab, Tam-Awan & Mines View) P500
Food and others est.  P1,300